Bohler Books

“You’d never believe what I thought I saw on my last shift, Jim,” I said to break up the night’s boredom. It was only 18 minutes into our shift, but felt like we’d been there for several hours, at least.

“What’s that?” asked Jim idly.

“Sam had called in and we couldn’t get anyone to cover,” I took another sip of my coffee, “so I was alone that night. I definitely need to get more sleep. So, I’m sitting here, trying to keep my eyes open, when I glance at the monitor for camera 5, and I swear I thought I saw–”

“A puddy cat?” Jim interrupted.

“No, asshole, it was this eight foot tall thing with arms that reached almost to the floor, and red eyes, and it was covered in this fuzz. Not fur, or anything, it was more just blurry.”

“Hmm,” said Jim, “you really do need to get more sleep.”

“Definitely.” I hadn’t slept well in weeks. Between the kid in the apartment next to mine learning drums, and the family above me having an English mastiff and two kids that like to get it riled up, my apartment is less than ideal for trying to sleep during the day. “But if I ever see anything like that again, I may end up taking a restful vacation to the looney bin.”

“I’m sure your friendly neighborhood sanitarium would be very welcoming,” Jim chuckled.

“Maybe I’ll meet someone, I’ve always had a thing for crazy chicks.”

“Aren’t they—” Jim started, “Shit. Camera two just went down. I’d better go check it out.”

“Hurry up. I don’t want to fall asleep.” I shifted my chair so I could watch all the monitors. Sure enough, camera two was dark.

“Don’t you?” Jim teased, as the door closed behind him.

The inside cameras are numbered from the south end of the facility to the north, and then continue to the outside cameras on the south end, counting up to the north. Our office is right in the middle, so camera two is one of the farthest away indoor cameras. Normally, we only have problems with the outdoor cameras; birds and squirrels and weather tend to be hard on them. It’s not too unusual to have some trouble with an indoor camera, though.

I watched Jim on the monitors as he moved down the hallway to the south end of the building. As he passed out of view from camera ten, he didn’t come into view on nine. There is a hallway leading to an exterior door on the west side of the building between those two cameras that isn’t in view of either. “This isn’t the time, asshole,” I muttered to myself, “besides, I thought you quit smoking.”

I started doing some paperwork, but kept glancing at nine and ten, waiting for Jim to reappear from his smoke break. After about ten minutes, I decided I should start rounds. Normally, they want one of us to stay in the office while the other does rounds, but there are exceptions for special situations. With Jim taking his sweet time on his smoke break, I was expected to proceed as though I was on shift alone – which meant going on my rounds.

I headed south out of the office, expecting to run into Jim as he was walking back. When I reached the hall between cameras ten and nine, having not found Jim, I decided to pop out and check on him. At the end of the little hallway, I burst through the exterior door, hoping to spook him, yelling, “Hands up!”

He wasn’t there.

I spoke into the darkness, “I see you Jim, there’s no use hiding,” trying to get him to show himself. “Oh, well,” I said when there was no response, “I’ll just have to lock this door on my way in.” When Jim didn’t come running up behind me before I could close the door, I said to myself, “Huh, I guess he already came back in.”

Back inside, I turned south to continue my rounds. When I approached camera two, I was sure I’d see Jim there, but there was no sign of him. From what I could tell from a visual inspection, camera two was looking just fine. Jim must have already fixed whatever the problem was. How did I miss him walking back to the security office? Maybe he walked past while I was outside. When I got to the southern door, I continued out into the darkness, as usual – only it wasn’t usual. It was completely dark. Normally the whole perimeter of the building was very well lit. Not only is it better for the cameras, it helps keep vagrants away. But it was completely dark, no light anywhere in sight. I didn’t have my belt flashlight; I had stopped carrying it since getting this job, since it’s always well lit, and I have my phone flashlight anyway. I pulled out my phone, and it was dead. It wouldn’t turn on, even though I’d only pulled it off the charger an hour or so earlier, when I got up for work.

Since I needed a flashlight, I walked back inside and headed for the security office.

“Where the fuck are ya, buddy?” I asked the emptiness as I walked back into the office and scanned the cameras. I still didn’t see Jim anywhere, and I had expected him to be back a while ago. Wait a minute, I thought, realizing I could see images on the exterior cameras, the lights are back on. As I looked at the still dark camera two monitor, it hit me. It had been dark when I went out the door between nine and ten looking for Jim, just like it had when I went out at the south end of the building. I didn’t notice right away, because I was expecting to see Jim, and when I didn’t see him, that took center stage.

Jim would have noticed, just like I did when I walked out that south door. Jim had gone out between nine and ten multiple times every day for years until he quit smoking a few weeks ago. He would have noticed the dark and come straight back. Even if the lights were on when he went out, and they turned off while he was out there, he definitely would have come straight back.

Jim is missing. This isn’t a joke or a prank, or a long smoke break. I grabbed two flashlights and headed north. I was desperately hoping to find Jim somewhere in the northern half of the building as I completed the most expedient tour of the facility that I had ever done. Everything seemed perfectly normal, other than there being no sign of Jim. When I got to the northern most exterior door, I went outside and turned east, since that was the part of the building I hadn’t been to at all that shift. I did a full lap around the building, went back in the northern door, walked through the building to the southern door, and did another lap around the outside in the other direction. Normal, all normal, except no Jim. When I got back to the security office, camera two was working again.

I called the boss. After what must have been the twelfth ring, he answered, “What was so important you had to wake me up?”

“Sorry, Sir,” I said, “Jim is missing, and I thought you should know right away. Camera two—”

“Jim is missing?” He interrupted.

“Yes. Camera two went out, and Jim went to check on it, and—”

“Who’s Jim?”

“Jim Glassman, Sir. I was on shift with him tonight.”

“Very funny. If you value your job, you’ll never wake me up for a prank again.”

“It’s not a prank, Sir. Jim’s really missing!”

“You think I don’t know who works for me?”

“What do you mean, Sir?”

And get this, he said, “There is no Jim Glassman! I’m going back to sleep now. Never pull something like this again!”

“But, Sir,” I argued, “Jim’s been here for years! He helped train me! He was on shift with me tonight, just check the schedule. I’m sure his name’s just slipped your mind.”

“Now you’re calling me crazy? There is no Jim, you’re scheduled alone tonight, and I’ve had enough of this nonsense! Goodnight!”

He hung up before I could say anything else. Seeing no other option, I proceeded as though I had actually somehow invented Jim, as though he didn’t exist, and this nagging feeling that I needed to find him was some form of paranoia or hallucination. About half an hour later, I was starting to get back into the routine of a normal solo shift, trying not to fall asleep as I stared at the monitors between rounds. Then I heard Jim scream.

I bolted out of the office, toward the sound, and that’s when I saw it again. Only, this time, it was in real life, and not on a monitor. That eight foot tall beast with its arms longer than my six foot height, and the static fuzz that covered it head to toe – it really looked like static on an old analog TV – was carrying Jim slung over its shoulder while it lumbered away from me. Jim wasn’t still screaming, he appeared to have passed out, but that static stuff was covering him, too, at least part way up his legs.

Now, I don’t really know what they expect us to do in case of any sort of intrusion, since we don’t carry guns or even Tasers. I honestly don’t know what I was even thinking, but I ran toward that thing, ready to punch it or kick it or something, just knowing I had to help Jim. As I approached it, the thing spun around and swung Jim at me, like a club. I was barely able to dodge back quickly enough to keep Jim’s head from bludgeoning me. I bolted back to the office, locked the door, and called the boss back. “I found Jim!”

“There is no Jim Glassman, and if you call me with this shit again, there will be no you!” Click.

Since the boss man was no help, I called 911. I must have sounded like a lunatic on the phone, but the dispatcher agreed to send out some units to check it out. When the cops came, there was no trace of that creature – and no trace of Jim. The schedule showed me working alone that night, and there was no record of a Jim Glassman having ever worked for the company, and no record of any Jim at all currently working for the company, in any location. The boss was furious with me for “making him look a fool with my pranks”, but HR advised him that he can’t fire somebody for what’s clearly some form of mental breakdown.

That, new guy, is the story of why I was on a 1 month leave of absence when you started. Yup, I had an unplanned and unwanted visit to the funny farm. Now I’m back, and if you ever get gobbled by a static monster that leaves you forgotten, I’ll remember you. At least I hope I will. I have no idea how many people it’s already vanished.